Clear Path to Peace

In the last few days, I’ve come even deeper into a realization about the connection between anger, violence and sadness. It is grief that lurks behind destruction…and the willingness to feel and release sadness is the cure and the balm for our pain.

Where does this grief come from, you ask? It grows from our collective refusal to live in accordance with Divine Love and its ways: union, blessing, expansion, mercy, comfort and caring for each other and our beautiful green planet. There is a shared, tragic and fearful howling that is constantly baying a mournful melody beneath our sleepy awareness. This is the grief I’m talking about, although we rarely recognize it and even more rarely give ourselves some breathing room to feel it.

I recently came across a short Buddhist tale about a monk who was crying at his master’s grave. When asked by a traveler, “Why are you crying? I thought you were enlightened!” the monk replied, “Because I am sad.” (from Everyday Grace, by Marianne Williamson)

When I read these poignant words, I thought about how much violent behavior could be transformed if we really take this story to heart. Just think - if we all gave ourselves permission to feel sad - what would our world be like?

We’d no longer answer, “Fine” to the ubiquitous question “How are you?”

Instead, we might say, “Oh, I’m feeling the tender stabbing and ripping feeling of my heart as it opens to grief.” Then we’d both pause, and take a breath together, standing by each other as we released our sadness into pools of trust and love. And it wouldn’t have to be a problem, or a drama, or a cheerleading session — just a quiet recognition of suffering as it appears here on Earth.

We could breathe and relax and feel together, and then feel a whole lot better, and closer. We’d go on about our days with more creative energy and more compassion for the next sisters and brothers who came along…and when we asked them, “How are you?” we’d pause to listen to the ringing truth of an answer that might, or might not, contain some sadness or discomfort of any kind.

I hold a vision of this world where joy, elation, fear and sadness are recognized as inner markers for how close we are feeling to God at any moment. If we want to feel closer, then we simply release our grief and in doing so, make room to expand our joy.

Notice how no violence of any kind is necessary or desired in this honest world. Connections between us just dance deeper, until someday, we’ll be done with releasing grief and the forgiveness of all deeds will be complete. The At-Onement, which lives eternally inside us, will be manifest on Earth, and we will notice that we’ve created a garden, you and me….a delightful, heavenly garden of peace.

It’s holiday time again, and some of us are ecstatic….and some of us are not. Holidays are usually a time when memories and emotions reappear from childhood, and they aren’t always the easiest ones to negotiate. Even if we are not consciously aware of it, longings and expectations about what “family” is, or what “Christmas” or “New Year” are supposed to be, can affect us heavily in our emotional lives.

Many of us experience a lot of stress around this time of year - triggered by lack of sunlight during the dark winter solstice, or our mounting credit card bills, or from family dynamics that often play out during “festive” gatherings. Fortunately, there is help, and it is easy. All it takes is using something we already have - our breath.

As a peace educator, I have a lot of respect for using our breath as a tool to center ourselves, and to feel more grounded and calm. If you notice that you are feeling anxious in any way, take some time…a few moments…to become aware of your breath. Notice yourself, your body, your thoughts. Probably, you are holding your breath or not breathing very deeply. So stop your busyness - and give yourself the gift of a deep breath. Or two. Or five. Fill your belly and your lungs. Allow your entire torso to fill with good oxygen on the inhale and empty fully on the exhale.

One really helpful point about tuning in to your breath is to be especially aware of the difference between your inhale and your exhale. They are two separate parts of one breath, and you can use them for different needs. For relaxation and stress reduction, use the exhale as your point of focus. Try breathing out about twice as long as you breathe in. So if you inhale for two counts, exhale for four. Next breath, experiment with inhaling for three counts and exhaling for six. Remember to exhale very slowly and evenly. Take as long as you want to get to the end of your breath. As you are exhaling, you will be lowering your heart rate, releasing tension from your muscles, and enlivening your blood. Your head will clear, and you’ll be able to handle your holiday office party much, much better.

Hope this helps. When I teach the good men in San Quentin Prison, they often remark upon how much this simple relaxing breath technique helps them. I figure if it works for them, in an intense place like San Quentin, it can work for you and me.

Try it, and let me know how it goes. Happy Holy Days!