Clear Path to Peace

One of my new friends is Nanci Danison, an expert on near death experiences (NDEs). When she “died,” she learned a tremendous amount of spiritual truth. It turns out that what Nanci learned is in close alignment with the forgiveness process I teach, although her vocabulary is a bit different. Her perspective is enlightening and will make you think again about life and death.

One of Nanci’s readers wrote to her: “I’m aware that this world is an illusion…however, the fact that you can’t literally kill people doesn’t change the fact that you can inflict enormous suffering. Dying might be an illusion but the suffering is not.”

Nanci’s response is: “Accepting that the manifested world is illusory means you have achieved a spiritual perspective on life. The next step is to understand how that truth affects how we experience this world.

The entire human existence is manifested and “illusory,” not just the physical appearances of it. I learned in the afterlife that the suffering isn’t “real” either. The emotional experience IS real at the human level, but it is vicarious at our spiritual level. Let me explain. When you watch a particularly important football game, do you get angry with bad calls by the refs, excited by touchdowns, and annoyed by commercial breaks? Are you really angry, excited or annoyed with respect to your own life? No. You are reacting to the game and the emotions fade when the game is over. Similarly, when a woman cries through the ending of a “chick flick,” is she actually suffering in her own life? No. She empathized with the fictional characters and forgets all about the crying after the movie ends. In much the same way, we parts of Source inside humans empathize with the lives of our human hosts. We suffer what they suffer-but only while we are in their bodies (and during the short time of the life review). My own experience in the afterlife was that all the pain and suffering I endured in Nanci’s body was gone. In fact, Nanci’s entire lifetime was revealed to be a vicarious experience, such as we might analogize to having a dream or being in a virtual reality game.

As for suffering with death-that is optional. We Light Being souls can choose to endure it or to get out of the body while it dies. Many near-death experience reports come from people who got out of their bodies to avoid the pain of dying or resuscitation.

The most important point here is that much human suffering could end tomorrow–if we would choose to do it. We Light Being souls have the power to stop our host bodies’ hurtful behaviors. Why don’t we? Because most people are not aware they even have this option. Most people truly believe they are human and cannot escape human emotions and motivations. That is why it is so important that we awaken each other to our true nature as parts of Source. Once you know that you are a powerful spiritual being, and not a human animal, you can believe you have the power to control your host body’s behavior. Expressing more of our spiritual nature through our behavior would increase the amount of unconditional love in our human lives and decrease the violence and abuse.” — Nanci Danison, Afterlife Experiencer and Author of BACKWARDS: Returning to Our Source for Answers, BACKWARDS Guidebook, and the Light Answers to Tough Questions series of CDs and DVDs. www.BackwardsBooks.com.

As Nanci writes so eloquently, the suffering here on Earth looks and feels real, even though in the biggest picture, it’s illusory. That’s why it is so important to be compassionate with ourselves and others when we feel lost, hurt, fearful or confused. All of us are awakening together. How fast we do it, however, is up to us individually.

Once I heard a voice in my head. It said, “Ana, you are not obliged to suffer.” That truth stopped my mind and I got a journey directly to Heaven. Release your suffering to the Holy Spirit, to the One Source that gives you breath. You’ll find joy waiting for you every time.

While the Gulf of Mexico’s piercing still bleeds, and all hell seems to have broken loose wherever we look, A Course in Miracles helps to calm our nerves and give us inner fortitude.

“Heaven is the decision I must make.” — ACIM

This is one of my favorite quotes. There’s no room for dithering or hesitation. Moment by moment, we decide.

Heaven is here in this moment. Not outside. Inside. Here – in your heart of hearts.

Namaste.

Many of us go through really hard times. My hardest time was when my mother died, by her own hand, when I was young, pregnant, confused and almost penniless. You probably have a different, painful story that affected your life. What did you do when the traumatic thing happened?  What are you doing with the memory of it? Are you open to jumping into the River of Love, no matter what happened – or might happen in the future?

The River of Love is the healing experience of Divine contact. It’s sometimes called the Holy Spirit, the Divine Mother, Father God, or the “peace that passeth all understanding.” It was the only thing that kept me sane and whole enough to raise my children well, despite my mother’s illness and its effect on me. It helped me learn that I am a lot stronger than anything that shows up in my life, even the shock and pain of my mother’s suicide.

It took years to receive all of the lessons this experience gave to me. I needed to learn that the Grace of God offers a more powerful love than what my human mother could give me. It’s a love that never leaves, never gives up, and always heals when we allow it into our hearts.

Through this life journey, I feel humbled and in awe of the great mystery. I wonder where my mother is now, and how she is doing with the lessons that she learned. I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I feel the movement of my soul in holding them. I am open-hearted and open-minded, calling for more wisdom.

Life gave me this experience to show me that NO MATTER WHAT, the River of Love will float me home to a deep inner sense of security and serenity. This river taught me to release my sadness, and find gratitude for the lessons I’d learned. It gave me the joy and freedom of knowing I am never isolated or without a friend. The River of Love showed me that the edges to all things are friendly…if I relax into the safety I share with the Divine.

In the past, I rarely spoke or wrote about what happened with my mother. Even now, I feel reticent to discuss it. But I also feel that we need to share our life experiences – not to wallow in the pain of them, but to transform difficulties that seemed impossible to overcome.When really tough things happen, using our minds to figure out what to do doesn’t help very much.  We need more space, more breath, deep intuition and a lot of prayer and true forgiveness to feel whole again.

I give swimming lessons in the River of Love. It’s OK to get your feet wet – or plunge right in with a full, naked leap! See you on the river…..

The deeper I go into forgiveness…in the ecstatic, radical sense of the word…the more I see that its invitation is surrender. Forgiveness is the golden door, the way past all fear and grief, and an entry into life beyond dictatorship of the ego.

What is radical about radical forgiveness? What is ecstatic about it? Using a spiritual philosophy grounded in the teachings of A Course in Miracles and other holy books, we go beyond the traditional usage of the word “forgiveness”.  Rather than “letting bygones be bygones” (somehow), we agree to let our spiritual intelligence teach us. We humbly learn about the gifts that were hidden or obscured – in even the most terrible events in our lives. We surrender to the wisdom that lives beyond what our intellects can decipher. Allowing the healing blessings in, we also let pain and sorrow out of our hearts.

When we choose to let go of blame and grievances, and the corresponding thoughts and emotions buried deep within, we can refill ourselves on a cellular level with healing grace. We then find out that there is no spiritual need for forgiveness, after all, because we are not helpless, solitary victims of our circumstances. The world is not out to get us — in fact, God wants our perfect happiness.

Divine Love beckons us, welcoming us to release the pain of this material world, while supporting us to remain present in the world in order to guide others to the door. Divine Grace, sometimes known as the Holy Spirit, is the healer, and our part is to surrender to the healing…constantly flowing…the River of Love.

Recently, I found two plays on words that gave me a chuckle.  I share them here for your enjoyment and inspiration.

One of the hardest parts about being human is the tendency toward feeling abandoned. Abandoned by loved ones, by the death of loved ones, by the “betrayal” of others, and by God as well.  Especially by God. Hence all of the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that muck up our innate happiness.  Well, I found that there is a great use for abandonment.  Turning around, there is the possibility to abandon ourselves to God. That’s the juicy sort of abandonment that brings sublime joy, health, and happiness. This is the abandonment that Sufi poets describe so well. So next time you are feeling sadness or pain over thinking you’ve been abandoned by someone, abandon yourself to God instead. Freedom will be yours, every time.

Meditating upon “turning around”, I remembered the analogy that Colin Tipping likes to use in his explanation of Radical Forgiveness.  He describes our lives as being tapestries. They are beautiful, but usually we look at the backside of them. (“Ass backward,” as we used to say in New Jersey.) From that viewpoint, there are knots and hanging strings, and the image is messy and blurred. Turn it over, he suggests, and we see the divine perfection of our life plan, including everything that has ever happened for us. Not to us, but for us. It’s a turn-over!  Delectable!  I can remember that….apple turn-over, yum…let’s go get one right now.

When life seems unmanageable, try abandoning yourself to God. This surrender will put you on the path of forgiveness. And when circumstances are distasteful, turn it around…give yourself a tasty turn-over. Witnessing the perfection of each moment will make your life delicious again.

Forgiveness is a link between me, you and freedom.  Every time I forgive, I release my pain and make room for Love.  It isn’t about being weak or relinquishing power, it’s about letting go of what hurts … for me, and for you, if you choose.

Forgiveness, in a radical sense, is for all of us. For more peace in our hearts and in the world. For a new beginning.  That’s what this time is all about – new beginnings and fresh starts.  How can we be fresh and new when we’re carrying boatloads of past pain, anger and resentment?  We can’t.  We need to clean house.  Make space. Allow the grace of the Holy Spirit to wash us in the River of Love. Our world, and our sanity, depends on it.

On our forgiveness path, we examine many aspects of our emotional life. For instance, what is the difference between sympathy and empathy, and how do they fit into a life dedicated to generosity and healing?

We are often taught that sympathy is the same thing as love. “Oh, you poor thing!” = “I really care about you!” My mother taught me that from the time I was about 4 years old. Agreeing that sympathy is love became the normal way that we interacted with each other.

But when we’re having sympathy for someone, it’s not respectful of who and what he or she is. We might be giving caring action or words, yet we think that people in general are victims of their circumstances and that, to receive sympathy, there must be something terribly wrong with them. These thoughts create a distortion and an imbalance. Sympathy actually lowers the energetic vibration of our interaction together, because it is based on falsehood instead of truth. There isn’t much room for real love to enter.

In sympathy, there is no respect for our inner divinity, which everyone shares. Instead, there is a belief that our outer circumstance is, in fact, reality. That’s a mistake. A Course in Miracles says, “I am not a victim of the world I see.” (WB 48)

When this error is corrected, then we realize that we are in fact all equal beings, no matter what the circumstances. We can reach out with compassion to simply join with our friend, to support with love while accepting whatever the situation is in the moment. This is empathy. It doesn’t need the drama, excuses or pity that comes with sympathy. Instead, we simply open to the possibility that there is a perfection beyond what we can perceive, and we are all sharing it all the time – in sickness or health, pleasure or pain.

How can we be more generous with ourselves and others, by giving empathy instead of sympathy? Our forgiveness path requires that we make the switch – consciously – so that we can respect our inner light and reach to it, past our circumstances in life.  Instead of saying to each other, “Oh, poor baby!” we say, “I know you can wake up out of this, no matter what it is.” Sounds like real friendship to me.

Here’s a quote from the wonderful book, The Secret Life of Bees, by Sue Monk Kidd.

“People, in general, would rather die than forgive. It’s that hard. If God said in plain language, “I’m giving you a choice, forgive or die,” a lot of people would go ahead and order their coffin.”

That’s how we usually think about forgiveness. What Kidd is pointing to is not that forgiveness is hard to do, but that we often don’t want to do it. It seems hard because of our PRIDE.  We let pride get in the way. We’d rather stay right than come into peace.

With honesty, openness and willingness (H.O.W.), true forgiveness melts pride, attachment and stubbornness. It is the bridge that takes us from fear to love, the path that brings us home.

There are so many religions and philosophies – a whole world to choose from.

The Tibetan Buddhist leader, the Dalai Lama, famously said, “My religion is kindness.” For me, my religion is forgiveness.

Forgiveness is saturated with kindness. It also welcomes deep honesty and a compassionate look at the difficulties we create together in this life. Focusing past pain and trauma, we forgive anyway. Why? To directly experience peace and freedom.

Forgiveness is the ultimate energetic transmission of soul friendship – both with ourselves and with our brothers and sisters throughout the world.

As I’ve explored in earlier posts, what I mean by “forgiveness” is not traditional forgiveness, which assumes there is a victim forgiving a perpetrator because a sin was committed. Instead, it is the forgiveness that is expertly and exhaustively delineated in A Course In Miracles, and also offered in Colin Tipping’s work of Radical Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the voluntary realization that on the level of truth, no sin was ever committed Inside this constant Reality, we are ALL equal, eternal and wise beings made of light, and nothing wrong ever happened.

(This is not to say that there aren’t earthly consequences for committing violence – there are, and there need to be. The pain of violence can be healed for everyone involved, including the offering of community support, education and compassion. Having worked in prisons, I understand that we can’t skip these steps. All levels need to be included here.)

With forgiveness, we release the emotional constriction of guilt and shame that goes along with any attack…both our own and others’.

This is why forgiveness may be seen as a spiritual path. Every time I forgive, I realize the edges are friendly, and all my misery is self-created (no matter what it looks like). I open up to conscious awareness of my eternal nature as divine love.

With each act of forgiveness, I rise in love – shedding fear and the mistaken perception of being separate from my world and my human family.

I’ve noticed that when I forgive, I’m much more intimate with this moment. It’s like I’m molting a layer of skin, and everything feels fresh and new. I’m literally taking off the veils….doing a lovely strip tease and getting naked before God, and before myself, and before the whole of creation.

This is a very juicy spiritual path. It’s the only path I want …full of revelation, release, healing and inspiration. How about you? Are you kind and juicy…kinda juicy?

There are so many reasons to forgive….and by forgive, I mean the kind of forgiveness that is radical, spiritual, and unapologetically universal. When we forgive this way, we do it for our own internal freedom.  We do it because we crave Reality with a capital R, and Truth with a capital T. We forgive for the sake of all creation, including ourselves. We do it to heal our memories and to begin anew….to be born anew into this fresh and innocent moment.

My journey into forgiveness really began with my mother. She was an amazing, beautiful and talented woman. She was loving and kind and a good mother. And…she was very, very afraid and sad. So afraid and sad, in fact, that she did not want to be here on planet Earth. And after a while, when I was 23, she took her life. She said, “Enough.” and flew away to be with the angels.

At the time of her death, I was pregnant with my first child. It was such a shock that she killed herself, and even more so because I was 8 months pregnant….and single…and almost penniless. It was a time when I really needed my mother, yet her message in death was that life was not worth living. 

How could I make sense of this? How could I go on with life, when my own mother told me that creation, and living, and even survival were just not worth it? Why couldn’t she stay to help me with my new mothering? And how could I cope with all the feelings that came up in me, including relief that her craziness, fear and sadness were gone?

I gave birth to my incredible daughter and lavished my love upon her. It took me eight years to open the emotional box into which I’d placed my grief, confusion, anger and disillusionment. I was blessed to be at a retreat called the Enlightenment Intensive, which is modeled on zen meditation practice done by monks in zen monasteries. I let myself crack open there, and I felt the tender emotions that I’d been afraid to feel before.

Maybe you’ve had the thought – “If I go into those memories and feelings, I’ll drop into a bottomless pit, and I’ll never, ever be able to crawl out again.  I better not go there.”   

I’ve had that thought, too. I know exactly how it feels to stand at the edge of the pit, peering with dread into the oblivion that seems so dark and scary and mysterious. So it took a bit of courage to allow myself to let go … and trust that somehow, I’d survive. I needed to fall, and I let myself take the plunge. 

I didn’t really think of what I was doing as forgiveness at the time. I just wanted relief from all the pain I was feeling.

Another eight years went by….and then I discovered the work of Colin Tipping and Radical Forgiveness. At my first seminar, it was clear to me that there were more layers to peel away before I could truly be free.

Through Radical Forgiveness, I learned to find the “gift in the situation” and embrace my mother just as she was, just as she is. A divine, eternal being of Light. Just like me.

Her life and her death were just what I needed for my awakening. Her life and death pointed me toward the Divine, and especially into the lap of the Divine Mother.  I discovered that the Holy Spirit, the Shekinah, will never leave me…even if my earthly mother needed to go into her next cycle. I could finally be at peace with all the events that happened, and even better, see how they served me in ways I needed.

Of course, what I just wrote is a really short version of the story. But you don’t need more details, and they aren’t important. What is important, and revolutionary, and evolutionary…is the bridge of forgiveness as it is taught in A Course In Miracles. The bridge is offered by the Holy Spirit to bring us – consciously – to the innocence and health that never left us.  I left….or so I thought….then I walked the bridge and came home.

This coming home is why we forgive. The journey offers us depth, compassion and understanding of the human condition. It leads to the peace that passeth all understanding…available to every person at every moment. This is the mercy of the Divine, and the promise that was, is, and ever shall be kept for us.

I walk with you on the bridge of forgiveness, grateful for your company.

Here is a poem I wrote about releasing grievances.  How can we live in peace if we hold on to pain and hurt from the past? Every day I see ways in which I can release deeper…and love more.  Poetry is one way to express this.  Hope you enjoy it as you bring more forgiveness into your life. 

Fishing

I rescind

my recriminations

and revoke

my grievances

scooping them into a grand net

and hauling them

heavy and teeming

as they are

back aboard ship

like a great catch

of haddock or snapper

thousands of grudges

flapping their tails

and gasping for air

exposed – in plain view –

dying on the deck

of my schooner

gulls hungry overhead

I have sent into this world

many angry thoughts

and I’m fishin’ em all back

to be given

as prasad

as sacrament

an offering

returned to the God of the Sea

    — Ana Holub