Is forgiveness hard to do?
Here’s a quote from the wonderful book, The Secret Life of Bees, by Sue Monk Kidd.
“People, in general, would rather die than forgive. It’s that hard. If God said in plain language, “I’m giving you a choice, forgive or die,” a lot of people would go ahead and order their coffin.”
That’s how we usually think about forgiveness. What Kidd is pointing to is not that forgiveness is hard to do, but that we often don’t want to do it. It seems hard because of our PRIDE. We let pride get in the way. We’d rather stay right than come into peace.
With honesty, openness and willingness (H.O.W.), true forgiveness melts pride, attachment and stubbornness. It is the bridge that takes us from fear to love, the path that brings us home.
Ana, you said rightly; It is pride that prevents one from forgiving. It takes humility to forgive. I have heard a professed christian say; “I forgive but I cannot forget. That is not forgiveness. That is bearing a grudge. Once the ego is not subdued, forgiving is impossible. If someone does you a wrong,pity him; he has hurt only himself, not you. So I reiterate that forgiveness is impossible for the one who has not acquired humility which is the string that holds all the virtues together. In short, very few can truly forgive.
Comment by randall butisingh — June 2, 2009 @ 7:12 pm
Thanks for your post, Randall. I’d just add that very few people forgive because they haven’t been shown what the options really are. We all CAN forgive, if we are shown the way, and are willing to do it.
Comment by Ana — June 3, 2009 @ 12:09 pm
I feel that you are using the word forgiveness in the wrong sense.
Forgive means to erase, it never happened. However, if my neighbor came over and was having a bad day, kicked over my garden and walked away . . . gee, I have no reason to believe that he will not do that again. No reason at all. In fact, I now have a reason to protect my garden from him.
His action caused a “wall” in our relationship. My forgiving him for his action will not tear down that “wall”. Now I must be cautious in a place where I was once not. I love tomatoes. Now I have none to share with my friends . . or my neighbor. Next time I must plant my garden where he cannot see.
Wisdom to know the difference between what you can and cannot change. That’s all you can really have. That, to me, is the true essence of forgiveness.
Comment by Merrill — March 11, 2011 @ 12:34 pm