Why Forgive?
There are so many reasons to forgive….and by forgive, I mean the kind of forgiveness that is radical, spiritual, and unapologetically universal. When we forgive this way, we do it for our own internal freedom. We do it because we crave Reality with a capital R, and Truth with a capital T. We forgive for the sake of all creation, including ourselves. We do it to heal our memories and to begin anew….to be born anew into this fresh and innocent moment.
My journey into forgiveness really began with my mother. She was an amazing, beautiful and talented woman. She was loving and kind and a good mother. And…she was very, very afraid and sad. So afraid and sad, in fact, that she did not want to be here on planet Earth. And after a while, when I was 23, she took her life. She said, “Enough.” and flew away to be with the angels.
At the time of her death, I was pregnant with my first child. It was such a shock that she killed herself, and even more so because I was 8 months pregnant….and single…and almost penniless. It was a time when I really needed my mother, yet her message in death was that life was not worth living.
How could I make sense of this? How could I go on with life, when my own mother told me that creation, and living, and even survival were just not worth it? Why couldn’t she stay to help me with my new mothering? And how could I cope with all the feelings that came up in me, including relief that her craziness, fear and sadness were gone?
I gave birth to my incredible daughter and lavished my love upon her. It took me eight years to open the emotional box into which I’d placed my grief, confusion, anger and disillusionment. I was blessed to be at a retreat called the Enlightenment Intensive, which is modeled on zen meditation practice done by monks in zen monasteries. I let myself crack open there, and I felt the tender emotions that I’d been afraid to feel before.
Maybe you’ve had the thought – “If I go into those memories and feelings, I’ll drop into a bottomless pit, and I’ll never, ever be able to crawl out again. I better not go there.”
I’ve had that thought, too. I know exactly how it feels to stand at the edge of the pit, peering with dread into the oblivion that seems so dark and scary and mysterious. So it took a bit of courage to allow myself to let go … and trust that somehow, I’d survive. I needed to fall, and I let myself take the plunge.
I didn’t really think of what I was doing as forgiveness at the time. I just wanted relief from all the pain I was feeling.
Another eight years went by….and then I discovered the work of Colin Tipping and Radical Forgiveness. At my first seminar, it was clear to me that there were more layers to peel away before I could truly be free.
Through Radical Forgiveness, I learned to find the “gift in the situation” and embrace my mother just as she was, just as she is. A divine, eternal being of Light. Just like me.
Her life and her death were just what I needed for my awakening. Her life and death pointed me toward the Divine, and especially into the lap of the Divine Mother. I discovered that the Holy Spirit, the Shekinah, will never leave me…even if my earthly mother needed to go into her next cycle. I could finally be at peace with all the events that happened, and even better, see how they served me in ways I needed.
Of course, what I just wrote is a really short version of the story. But you don’t need more details, and they aren’t important. What is important, and revolutionary, and evolutionary…is the bridge of forgiveness as it is taught in A Course In Miracles. The bridge is offered by the Holy Spirit to bring us – consciously – to the innocence and health that never left us. I left….or so I thought….then I walked the bridge and came home.
This coming home is why we forgive. The journey offers us depth, compassion and understanding of the human condition. It leads to the peace that passeth all understanding…available to every person at every moment. This is the mercy of the Divine, and the promise that was, is, and ever shall be kept for us.
I walk with you on the bridge of forgiveness, grateful for your company.
Hi,
thank You for your wisdom, honesty, and your courage at being so open and raw….whenever one of us, humans, goes on a journey of self discovery, we are all better off…… the obvious work You have done on being ”transparent ” creates a field of safety for all of us to pull back the veils that we are wearing to conceal, and protect parts of ourselves that we think need hiding and protecting, Truth be known we really have nothing to hide or protect……….. in admiration. and with solidarity, and humility I join You in this journey, may the love that is always present wash over You now , blessings, and love peacePeter
Comment by peter van dyk — January 24, 2008 @ 6:21 am
Dear Ana,
Thank You for this share, the honesty, wisdom and the courage it takes to be ”transparent ” is a true blessing, the work You have done to be clear and centered is very apparent, your opening creates and allows others [ like me ] to take off the veils we, [ I] have been wearing for so long, we think sometimes that the veils that conceal, also protect, when in truth they just get in the way and create separation and fear…….the field You create when You trust the edges are friendly,travel throughtout the universe, saying Yes, yes, join me in this exploration, join me in this freedom……..may the love that is waiting for us allways wash over You now and may You know deep appreciation , in humble solidarity, and peacePeter
Comment by peter van dyk — January 24, 2008 @ 12:14 pm
Ana,
I am so very moved that you chose to share this story. Thank you. It seems like the true completion of a cycle – to share the pain and the gifts of what you have been through, and learned, with others. Bodhisattva bravery! I know your sharing will help many others feel more confident that they can survive letting go into their scary places.
Namaste,
Marguerite
Comment by Marguerite Ogle — January 29, 2008 @ 8:03 pm
Words fail me, or I fail them. The familiar words of sympathy become false in the face of your experience you share with us. I have often wondered at the purpose of so much pain, but through your sharing this with us all, I glimpse a reason, or a fruit, from pain. Your pain propelled you to seek knowledge. Your search shows a light, a path to us, a healing way, a beauty way, the forgiveness way.
Comment by Lynda Zehsazian — May 6, 2009 @ 3:20 pm
Oh my! What pain in the very core of your life as you knew it then, and what a huge risk in transparently allowing us now to see, feel, and hear your vulnerability in this story — a story that can inspire so many others to step into the abyss and gift of Radical Forgiveness.
I feel blessed that our lives have connected and that you walk the path you talk.
Thank you, dear One!
Comment by Skip Andrew — January 16, 2011 @ 1:49 am
Hi Ana,
Thank you for sharing you story. I am a counselor and forgiveness is a huge part of the healing journey clients go through in their walk toward healing. The freedom it can give people is life changing.
I am wondering about the source of forgiveness as you see it. I believe the source of forgiveness begins when evil came into this world when people sinned. God in his desire to have a relationship with the people he had created made a way that the relationship could continue. Because God is without sin, in order for people to have a relationship with him there needed to be a way to close the chasm that was created by the sin. This could only be brought to fruition through the sacrifice of someone without sin. That is why God sent Jesus, his son (himself in human form) to be sacrificed as an atonement for the sins of all people. That is where forgiveness began and through that we can all experience ultimate forgiveness when we accept the atonement he gave us on the cross and his resurrection that brought eternal life. We can have eternal life because the chasm sin created is closed when we accept what Jesus did for us.
Of course, forgiveness can be experienced between people and it brings amazing freedom. When I work with clients it is their choice what they believe. I never push my personal believes on them. Forgiveness is one of the most important aspects of healing for anyone.
Thank you for the work you do. We need more people who help others move toward healing by sharing their own stories so the hurting can see real life examples of how they themselves can move toward healing.
Lorna
Comment by Lorna — May 2, 2011 @ 4:54 pm
Hi Lorna,
Thanks so much for writing. For some strange reason, your comment never showed up on my screen until today, even though you wrote it ages ago! God works in mysterious ways!
My experience with forgiveness is that it is indeed a bridge from God to human beings, one that comes through divine mercy for us, who need it desperately. I feel that true freedom cannot be experienced without each of us taking the initiative to get on the bridge and start walking. We will find that the Holy Spirit (or whatever we choose to call the link between us and our Creator) is already with us, by our side, ready to show us the way across. This is the incredible blessing available to every one of us, as soon as we ask for it.
Personally, I don’t use the term sin. I find that notions of sin imply a broken, guilty soul, which I don’t see as the truth. A Course in Miracles, which is an important guide for me, tells us that we are all eternally innocent and constantly free. And while that is true in the deepest sense, what’s also true is that we’ve often lost our way here on Earth. We need to take responsibility for our actions, repair our errors and reconcile with one another as well as reach to the forgiveness that God offers us. If we already knew we are free, we wouldn’t need forgiveness at all!
For more articles and thoughts about forgiveness and peace-making, please go to my website at http://www.anaholub.com. Thanks for the great work you do and for being a part of this conversation!
Comment by Ana — October 22, 2011 @ 10:21 am